Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
