You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
