I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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