i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
