Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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