i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Watching her eat just hurts me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
