toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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