Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize