i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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