He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
