you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
