I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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