Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed

(787): View more from Puerto Rico

you smoke with your eyes?

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

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(304): View more from West Virginia

my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs

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(913): View more from Kansas

Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?

(1-913): View more from Kansas

I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.

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(607): View more from New York

No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....

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(847): View more from Illinois

If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳

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