i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.