1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.