We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.