and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
