Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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