there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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