We're facebook friends in real life
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
