Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
