We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
