Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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