remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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