The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
