i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
