btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
