Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish you could order shots online.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
