No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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