You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's never too late to be topless.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
