i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
