he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I believe in your delicious
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
