he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
