Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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