the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
