Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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