She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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