She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
