Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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