She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
