Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
