im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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