Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
