I met the friendliest cop last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You pole danced in your parka.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The adults are the big ones right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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