Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
