Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
