she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
