I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
