Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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