Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
