All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
