Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
