"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
