what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
