Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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