oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
