don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
