I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
