I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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