I am puke
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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