3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
