apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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