my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
