a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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