Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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