i jhust puked up my retainher.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
