So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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